26.Dec.2009 Villainous New Years Resolutions for 2010 - Will

Every year we are faced with the chore of making some New Years Resolutions. Most people try to do things like lose weight, drink less or some other vain attempt at self-improvement. Wrong. This “thinking towards the future” stuff is for looneys. Don’t you know we’re all going to die in 2012 anyway?

Since we’ve only got a few more years to enjoy, we created an easy acronym to make sure that 2010 is the best year ever.

FROG

What is FROG? It is an acronym for the way you should live your life: fuck authority, roll face every day, overdose whenever possible, and go to Grog.

Fuck Authority
Nobody likes being treated unfairly. What is authority, if only an imaginary notion that someone is “the boss of” someone else. This is especially frustrating when the overzealous prick is a police officer. Sure there are plenty of great cops out there, but there are plenty like this guy too:

Cop Pulls Gun On Snowball Fight

Many arrests nowadays are the result of self-implication because not enough people know their rights. Don’t end up like this guy and remember you always have the right to remain silent if a cop gets too pushy. Don’t let people boss you around, go out there and be a boss every day.

Roll Face Every Day
Do lots of things that make you feel “weird.” This step also implies listening to lots of “Proper Techno.”

If all we are is the sum of our experiences, then why wouldn’t you want to have as many experiences as possible? “Roll face” is used generally here, and this refers not to ecstasy, but to ingesting any mood or mind altering substance. The important thing to keep in mind here is to not rage to excess, but rather to expand your views and understand yourself and the world. The more you see and think, the more you know. The next time you’re on drugs, watch this video and you’ll know exactly what I mean: Major Lazer- Pon De Floor

Overdose Whenever Possible
We lied when we said not to rage to excess. Mixing substances has repeatedly proven to be a great idea and should be considered vital to the advancement of mankind. Take it from the Frog himself:

Think I’m being redundant? Think again- the point here is that the next time you’re getting loaded, take it to the next level. You can only find your limits by pushing them. Plus you will always feel like a winner waking up in a hospital bed. Or in a ditch with no pants.

Go to Grog
Gainesville’s premier source of free beer and tunes before 11, Grog is a little piece of heaven located right in midtown, conveniently located between your Ballz and Tijuana. Prepare your eardrums for the latest in 90′s top-40 and taste buds for the freshest natty in town. Grog consistently brings in Gainesville’s most eclectic crowd from the bourgeoisie to the loneliest of the ACRs. I would suggest leaving just before last call to get a good spot out by Pizza By The Slice in order to witness the nightly fights and domestic disturbances of Midtown. Nothing like blacked out bombshells crying while watching their juiced bf’s getting put into the back of a cop car to make you feel great about yourself.

What do you think about FROG?

Does the idea of following the ways of a slimy amphibian appeal to you?

What other New Years Resolutions do you think are worth your time?