01.Jul.2010 The Villain Report - Lazaroc

Every year when the heat and afternoon storms become unbearable, a new breed of students descend on The University. You know this is happening when you see endless lines of cars in the bike lanes and its not a game day. Thousands of kids anxious to be living on their own for the first time, quietly saying bye to their momma’s hoping that no one sees. This new breed is similar to the species of freshmen that have come before but will have their own unique touch on what it means to be clueless at a major public university.

The Freshman.
Always impressionable, eager, gullible, drunk, clueless, lost, easily excited, loud, intolerable, and vomming in the dorm bathroom till 5am in the morning. These are many of the things that can describe a freshman, but hopefully with a little help we can guide these young souls into an experience enjoyable for all parties involved.

Lets just go ahead and start with the biggest dilemma freshman will face and how you’ll be spending a majority of your time and parents money. Binge Drinking is defined by Urban Dictionary as “A massive consumption of alcohol, mostly beer, in one sitting. This usually leads to temporary memory loss, alcohol poisoning and regretful sex.”

In college, binge drinking is usually disguised by clever acts of trickery and showmanship. Such rituals as beer pong, flip-cup, keg-stands, and power hours are indeed binge drinking. Your peers will pressure you into situations you might be uncomfortable with and into drinking large amounts of the holy sacrament also known as natty light. Please educate yourself with some underage drinking tips. Its important to remember that as a freshman, you are invincible. You will be able to drink any quantity of liquor and beer in any order and not get sick. As a freshman male, your youth will make you a worthy challenger to any upper class-men. You will desperately try to claim your spot as Alpha-bro only to be rudely awakened by a fist in the mouth and that chick from the dorms you brought out leaving with the actual alpha-bro. As a freshman female, you will get drunker and louder than you’ve previously ever been. Prepare for plenty of broken cell phones, cameras, and anything else of value.

• UF student arrested for battery and trafficking Would of been quite a story if he was arrested for trafficking batteries lolz.
• Campus smoking ban starts Thursday Will this be the end of the international engineering programs at UF?
• What do you mean the governments taking away my pythons and water pipes?!?!? New laws stiffening already hard on laws.
• Free event with fireworks in the sky and kids with glow toys, i’m there. Fanfares and Fireworks show returns to Flavet Field
• Starbucks offers free Wi-Fi at all locations. Finally won’t have to sign up for their starbucks cards.
• OMG that band from THE O.C. is coming to town! Oh whats that? You don’t believe in the west coast?

And on that note, our boy DickNasty out of Gainesville left us with a great remix to jam out to. Check it below and leave him a comment letting him know what you think:

ST. BEETHOVEN “Superfuzz” (DiCkNaStY! remix) by DickNasty!