We here at The Villains have been working diligently to bring you some suggestions/guidelines to follow to make sure you get tugged on Vday. That is, if you even want to get tugged, if not, you’ll probably find something else to do.

Finding a date
Step #1
Spam every girl you’re friends with that a. you’re not related to, b. you aren’t currently dating. and c. you haven’t already done the dirty with on facebook with a “HEY I know we haven’t talked in bit, but I was wondering if you were up to anything on hmmmmm, Sunday????” play it real cool with a few returns and then sign it with a “;)” This will develop interest in the community and build a following interested in what will happen next.

Step #2
Scout out some real legit places around town that people would obviously never go to unless it was on some sort of top secret date operation. The Villain’s would suggest somewhere like Devils Millhopper or any of the other random nature parks/trails/outdoorsy places around town.

Step #3
Forward the address to you’re top secret location to all of those replies in your inbox. Be sure to set a time to make sure everyone arrives on time.

The Perfect Card

Feelings are difficult to put into words. Thats why it becomes necessary to write them down on some colorful, multi-dimensional piece of paper. This obviously, adds meaning to the sentence you wrote your lover about how your relationship has been written in the stars. But How do you pick/write the right card? Its all about using your imagination and inner creative spirit. Anyone can walk into to Target and find something mildly humorous or entertaining. It takes a real lover to cut up a bunch of construction paper and make a mess of some glue sticks.

Gift Buying/Making

Every year we struggle to find the perfect gift for the significant other. Conventional items are trite and overused. Why not start out the decade right and buy something that really has some significance? Maybe the latest porno or a gift card to X-mart or Cafe Risque. Get you and your lover right off the couch and into the shed outback. If you’re on a budget, try making your own gifts by hand to save some money. I suggest checking out Home Depot or Lowes for some fair prices on many of the same “hot” items that those other adult stores are carrying.

Date Night

Making reservations at restaurants is a drag, you have to stop whatever it is you’re doing, find a number, and then actually call it to set a date and time. And not to mention places in town like Harry’s, Dragonfly, and Marks Prime are as expensive as fuuuuck. Luckily for us, Valentines Day falls on a Sunday. This means that you can easily pay for you and your date at a fine local establishment like Salty Dog for an early evening snack and drink. What better way than to tell your man or woman that they are the only one for you then by picking up the bill for a few pints and fried finger foods.

If you’re looking for something a little more out of the ordinary or exciting, try inviting a third party to prove once and for all that you are made for each other. If it looks like you’re going to be alone on Valentines, might as well use the list to find casual lovers for the evening. Be forewarned, hide all your valuables or else that hooker is making away with your laptop.

We hope that your Valentine’s day is super special and unlike any of those other Valentine’s days in the past. We believe that if you follow some of these guidelines you will end up with a truly unique experience.

What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

Do you even know who St. Valentine is?