To be honest, a Woodser is the most fun you could have on a Friday night. With no lack of booze, bales of hay, flannel shirts, bubba kegs and sublime cover bands, UF students have been getting incapacitated in the woods for generations. But when morning comes and you peel your eyes open you realize something. Somewhere between doing that second keg stand and voming/pissing out the window on the bus ride home, you drank way too much last night. In fact, recent surveys lead us to believe that UF collectively has the largest hangover in the country on a typical Saturday morning.

Partying into the early morning is fun, but hangovers are not. Since we care about easing the throbbing pain in your head just as much as you do, here is a list of the most effective hangover cures that exist today.

Have a Beer

Or as my father would say, a ‘breakfast cylinder.’ Having a beer in the morning makes you feel warm and cozy on the inside. Plus it tastes delicious, since you obviously forgot to brush your teeth before you fell asleep. After a few minutes you’ll feel so dizzy from the dehydration that you’ll have no choice but to pass out again, giving you plenty of time to sleep off the rest of that hangover.

Every college student should have a poster like this in their room to remind them of the proper way to handle hangovers.

Chemicals

Weather it’s nicotine, caffeine, or amphetamines, or even tylenol, substance use and abuse will always take the edge off of a hangover. The most common remedy however is marijuana smoking. The term ‘wake and bake’ was actually invented by a man who woke up with a head-splitting hangover. He smoked a joint and not only were his head and body aches relieved, but also he was able to float back into a dreamy sleep. So sit back, put on some Kid Cudi, and light up.

Even established statesmen know the benefits smoking marijuana can have for their hangovers.

Have Sex

In case you don’t remember the sex from the night before- better do it again just to make sure. Nothing cures a hangover quite like a workout topped off with an orgasm. When you wake up with your head throbbing, roll over and nudge your date. You may have to do some convincing (see image) but it’ll be worth it. The best part is after sex you get to spend the rest of the morning in a fully relaxed comatose state.

Pauly Pepperoni had to do some "convincing" before any coital activity this morning.

Eat Greasy Food

A burger and fries will instantly slow the misery of even the worst hangovers. The answer is in the science- your stomach lining and intestines gets coated in grease, slowing the absorption of alcohol into your bloodstream. While this may or may not actually be true, one thing’s for sure- a burger and fries taste damn good when you’re hungover.

The most delicious hangover cure around.

If All Else Fails: Make Yourself Puke

Weather or not you choose to believe it, there is a point where you will have a seemingly incurable hangover. No matter what you do, your whole body is writhing in pain. If you have reached this point, my friend- it is time to pull the trigger. This is done by sticking your fingers down your throat, gagging yourself and making yourself puke. I always suggest chugging as much water as possible before getting down to business. It really helps the dry heaving and loosing up that frisco melt from the depths of your organs. Here’s an example of how to do this:

Make sure you're standing over a toilet when you pull the trigger or your friends, roommates, or other people around you, will want to kill you.

Obviously many (all) of these things are not safe and healthy ways to help your hangover. They do, however, make you feel better. I can say this because I know from experience.

What was your favorite Woodser experience? Did it end up in a deadly hangover?

How spectacular do you feel after implementing our methods on your meanest hangovers?

Are there any other feel-good remedies not included?

1. Be sure to go out Friday night regardless of what time kick off is the next day. And by go out, I really mean go out. Make sure you let any visiting fans who are checking out the wonderful options Gainesville night life has to offer what they are in for. You want to wake up hungover so you can immediately start remedying by more drinking.

2. Clothing is Key, be sure to wear something comfortable and light in order to stay cool during day games. This could mean that new pair of khaki pants you picked up along with that button down and tie. If its really hot out there you might even want to put on a jacket or a blazer. If you are more of a jeans kind of guy, go for a nice mid-thigh cut. Now if you’re a lady, a sundress is most appropriate to keep you stylish and cool. Nothing like a constant flow of air to the booty to minimize any swamp ass.

3. Alcoholic Beverages. Its always important to carefully select what it is that you will be drinking on. You don’t want anything that is too heavy and will slow you down on the foot race. But then again anything too light will have you knocking on random doors trying to find the pisser. Tequilas and Whiskeys make for an interest day partying in the sun. I would start and end with these, and chill on some domestic beers in between. GO AMERICA!

4. Gear & Equipment. If you are taking the responsibility upon yourself to set up the tailgate, good luck. It must be EPIC or else those cute girls from lab that you got the balls to ask over for you and your buddies hot dogs might keep on walking. There is plenty of competition between the best tailgates in town. But the bare necessities are as follows
- Coolers to keep the beers cold
- Radio/stereo to kill any awkward silences
- Grills to cook up those game day bratwurts
- Tailgate and/or a table to serve and drink off of.
- Games…footballs, cornholio, pong, any and all of it.
- ICE… and plenty of it, enough for drinks and to keep the kegs cold unless you have one of these keg koozies

5. BUY A FLASK!! This is most important for those mobile tailgators and people trying to get an extra drink or two in the stadium. Flasks come in a range of varieties from disposable plastic to engraved stainless steel. There are even some clever disguises hiding liquor in fake bellies, boobs, and cell phones.

6. A Really big fucking truck. It helps when you are trying to lug around all this gear or just trying to find a parking spot. People won’t daringly jump out in front of your vehicle if it strikes fear in their souls. All the girls want to get in bed with the big truck.

7. Scalping Tickets @1000% face value. A key to making money in Gainesville if you are a broke college kid is reselling tickets. The University has tried to pass ordinances to keep the scalping solely around midtown. However, if you see anyone saying they are looking for tickets they are probably selling some too. Don’t feel bad for jacking up the rates. Most alums have jobs, and you don’t.

Overall, your Saturdays are going to be quite unmemorable but still very memorable via facebook/flickr uploads. You are going to most likely drink copious amounts and strange mixtures of spirits, wines, and brews. The people you begin tailgating with will not be the same group of people you are with by the end. You will make new friends, and tragically lose others to vomflu. You might skin your knees, elbows, or just end up with grass stains. But at the end of the day, when Florida is up by at least twice your age, you know its worth it.