28.Jan.2010 Top 5 Most Effective Hangover Cures - Will

Unless you’re a freshman or have been living under a rock, you probably know what a Woodser is. For those of you that fall into either of the aforementioned categories, a quick trip over to Urbandictionary.com reveals that a Woodser is “a popular Greek date function or mixer event. Typically involves a bonfire, kegs, and live music. It will usually be held on a farm, a large field, or a clearing in the woods.”

To be honest, a Woodser is the most fun you could have on a Friday night. With no lack of booze, bales of hay, flannel shirts, bubba kegs and sublime cover bands, UF students have been getting incapacitated in the woods for generations. But when morning comes and you peel your eyes open you realize something. Somewhere between doing that second keg stand and voming/pissing out the window on the bus ride home, you drank way too much last night. In fact, recent surveys lead us to believe that UF collectively has the largest hangover in the country on a typical Saturday morning.

Partying into the early morning is fun, but hangovers are not. Since we care about easing the throbbing pain in your head just as much as you do, here is a list of the most effective hangover cures that exist today.

Have a Beer

Or as my father would say, a ‘breakfast cylinder.’ Having a beer in the morning makes you feel warm and cozy on the inside. Plus it tastes delicious, since you obviously forgot to brush your teeth before you fell asleep. After a few minutes you’ll feel so dizzy from the dehydration that you’ll have no choice but to pass out again, giving you plenty of time to sleep off the rest of that hangover.

Chemicals

Weather it’s nicotine, caffeine, or amphetamines, or even tylenol, substance use and abuse will always take the edge off of a hangover. The most common remedy however is marijuana smoking. The term ‘wake and bake’ was actually invented by a man who woke up with a head-splitting hangover. He smoked a joint and not only were his head and body aches relieved, but also he was able to float back into a dreamy sleep. So sit back, put on some Kid Cudi, and light up.

Have Sex

In case you don’t remember the sex from the night before- better do it again just to make sure. Nothing cures a hangover quite like a workout topped off with an orgasm. When you wake up with your head throbbing, roll over and nudge your date. You may have to do some convincing (see image) but it’ll be worth it. The best part is after sex you get to spend the rest of the morning in a fully relaxed comatose state.

Eat Greasy Food

A burger and fries will instantly slow the misery of even the worst hangovers. The answer is in the science- your stomach lining and intestines gets coated in grease, slowing the absorption of alcohol into your bloodstream. While this may or may not actually be true, one thing’s for sure- a burger and fries taste damn good when you’re hungover.

If All Else Fails: Make Yourself Puke

Weather or not you choose to believe it, there is a point where you will have a seemingly incurable hangover. No matter what you do, your whole body is writhing in pain. If you have reached this point, my friend- it is time to pull the trigger. This is done by sticking your fingers down your throat, gagging yourself and making yourself puke. I always suggest chugging as much water as possible before getting down to business. It really helps the dry heaving and loosing up that frisco melt from the depths of your organs. Here’s an example of how to do this:

Obviously many (all) of these things are not safe and healthy ways to help your hangover. They do, however, make you feel better. I can say this because I know from experience.

What was your favorite Woodser experience? Did it end up in a deadly hangover?

How spectacular do you feel after implementing our methods on your meanest hangovers?

Are there any other feel-good remedies not included?