18.Aug.2009 Expedition Wal Mart - Lazaroc

There is only one event annually that changes the demographic of Wal-Mart shoppers entirely in Gainesville. That is, Freshmen Move In. All of Gainesville’s non-renewable resources will be snatched up by hungry parents and placed accordingly into dorm rooms and apartments around campus. This will cause a drought of desks, pillows, face wash, tv’s under 30 inches, and hand lotions.

All this week expect long lines and difficulty finding a spot at any Archer retail store. Veterans of Gainesville know to find their discounted Wal-Mart items up past 23rd Ave on 13th Street. And if you’re real clever, you’ll make your way up Waldo to the Wal-Mart Super Center which is ready to handle shoppers at high capacities. Just think about the jobs you’re creating by shopping at Wal-Mart and not the ones you’re destroying.

So if you catch my drift, avoid Wal-Mart at all costs over the next week or as long as you can possibly go without shopping there. If you’re worried that your floormates will think you’re poor due to your parents “Wal-Mart Super Binge,” bring some reusable bags so you don’t have to reinforce that yellow happy face while you’re walking down the hall while you help “save” the environment. You really have nothing to be ashamed of, you will commit an act far more embarrassing sometime over the next week.