04.Sep.2009 How to survive your first College tailgate… - Lazaroc

This Saturday marks the beginning of what is predicted to be another great season for the Florida Gators. Game Day is a rite of passage for those of you who are just arriving on campus and making their first steps into the swamp. On game day, most if not all of the pretentious douchebaggery is dissolved from fellow gator to gator and instead focused onto the opposing team and fans. Hordes of alumni and students gather around campus to booze and schmooze before kick off. It might become a bit overwhelming at some points, but here are some survival tips to make sure that your game day is a successful one.

1. Be sure to go out Friday night regardless of what time kick off is the next day. And by go out, I really mean go out. Make sure you let any visiting fans who are checking out the wonderful options Gainesville night life has to offer what they are in for. You want to wake up hungover so you can immediately start remedying by more drinking.

2. Clothing is Key, be sure to wear something comfortable and light in order to stay cool during day games. This could mean that new pair of khaki pants you picked up along with that button down and tie. If its really hot out there you might even want to put on a jacket or a blazer. If you are more of a jeans kind of guy, go for a nice mid-thigh cut. Now if you’re a lady, a sundress is most appropriate to keep you stylish and cool. Nothing like a constant flow of air to the booty to minimize any swamp ass.

3. Alcoholic Beverages. Its always important to carefully select what it is that you will be drinking on. You don’t want anything that is too heavy and will slow you down on the foot race. But then again anything too light will have you knocking on random doors trying to find the pisser. Tequilas and Whiskeys make for an interest day partying in the sun. I would start and end with these, and chill on some domestic beers in between. GO AMERICA!

4. Gear & Equipment. If you are taking the responsibility upon yourself to set up the tailgate, good luck. It must be EPIC or else those cute girls from lab that you got the balls to ask over for you and your buddies hot dogs might keep on walking. There is plenty of competition between the best tailgates in town. But the bare necessities are as follows
- Coolers to keep the beers cold
- Radio/stereo to kill any awkward silences
- Grills to cook up those game day bratwurts
- Tailgate and/or a table to serve and drink off of.
- Games…footballs, cornholio, pong, any and all of it.
- ICE… and plenty of it, enough for drinks and to keep the kegs cold unless you have one of these keg koozies

5. BUY A FLASK!! This is most important for those mobile tailgators and people trying to get an extra drink or two in the stadium. Flasks come in a range of varieties from disposable plastic to engraved stainless steel. There are even some clever disguises hiding liquor in fake bellies, boobs, and cell phones.

6. A Really big fucking truck. It helps when you are trying to lug around all this gear or just trying to find a parking spot. People won’t daringly jump out in front of your vehicle if it strikes fear in their souls. All the girls want to get in bed with the big truck.

7. Scalping Tickets @1000% face value. A key to making money in Gainesville if you are a broke college kid is reselling tickets. The University has tried to pass ordinances to keep the scalping solely around midtown. However, if you see anyone saying they are looking for tickets they are probably selling some too. Don’t feel bad for jacking up the rates. Most alums have jobs, and you don’t.

Overall, your Saturdays are going to be quite unmemorable but still very memorable via facebook/flickr uploads. You are going to most likely drink copious amounts and strange mixtures of spirits, wines, and brews. The people you begin tailgating with will not be the same group of people you are with by the end. You will make new friends, and tragically lose others to vomflu. You might skin your knees, elbows, or just end up with grass stains. But at the end of the day, when Florida is up by at least twice your age, you know its worth it.